Gary Dicker has spent much of the season on the outside searching desperately for a way back into Steve Clarke’s Kilmarnock line-up – and has not enjoyed it one bit.
The Irish midfielder was a regular under the Rugby Park boss until his controversial red card against Hearts saw him sidelined at the end of August.
In his absence, the likes of Aaron Tshibola stepped forward and performed so well that Dicker was left to play the waiting game once his ban was up.
But after two fretful months spent sitting in the stands and on the substitutes’ bench, the 32-year-old eventually forced his way back into the starting XI for Wednesday night’s 1-1 draw at Rangers.
However, now the wait is over he is desperate to ensure there is no repeat.
“Since I got sent off it’s been a bit frustrating,” he confessed.
“I was banned for a month basically. It was strange. It would have worked out to be about four games down in England with the number of games you play there. But with the international break in between it was a long time off.
“While I was out the team picked up a few results and it’s always difficult to get back in.
“Sitting watching from the bench is not enjoyable, I’ll tell you that. It’s not good. I haven’t been that pleasant to be around the last few weeks.
“You’re not moping about but there’s a constant battle in your brain trying to work out a way to get back into the team. You have to work hard to control your emotions because normally Monday to Friday you’re building up to a game on the Saturday.
“But when you’re not playing it’s like being a kid going to a sweetie shop but you’re not allowed to go in and are forced to stand outside looking in while everyone else piles in.
“I don’t know how sub goalkeepers do it to be honest. They must be really mentally strong to do that week after week.
“It’s quite challenging mentally when you’re not in the team. You can let it get the better of you at times, which I probably have done a few times in training.
“It’s just about not accepting the situation. If you do, then you’re not getting back in.
“Thankfully I did against Rangers so hopefully I can stay there now.”
Dicker can empathise with skipper Kris Boyd, who has been similarly exiled to the reserves given the sparkling form of frontmen Eamonn Brophy and Greg Stewart in recent weeks.
But with Brophy a doubt ahead of Sunday’s visit of Aberdeen and Stewart suspended, the veteran poacher will get his chance against the Dons.
The frontman’s last start also came in the August 25 clash with Hearts that saw Dicker dismissed for an innocuous foul on Callumn Morrison but the Irishman insists Boyd is good to go.
He said: “Boydy is the perfect guy to come in. He was the top scorer in the league last year but hasn’t played much this season.
“He’s champing at the bit to get back in. He will be ready as he always is.”
